i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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