How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
