and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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