i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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