Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
