I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
