it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
