Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
