We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
