I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Are my feet made of real feet?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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