I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
