sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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