Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
