i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
