I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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