You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The Olympian is in my bed
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
