she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Dignity is for republicans.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
