so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
