I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
