I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
