I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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