she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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