then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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