Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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