I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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