he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
