My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
