Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
