i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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