I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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