Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
