I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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