I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
