i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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