peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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