she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
