Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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