just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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