Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
