I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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