I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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