Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
