Who did Billy Mays play for?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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