i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
