Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
