P.S. I can't hear my feet
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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