So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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