so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
