haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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