I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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